How to be emotionally intelligent

It is a well-known fact that people who get along easily with others tend to be more valued and easy to work with more than those that are easily agitated. Emotional intelligence can be described as an ability to identify and manage ones own emotions and emotions of other people, this in turn makes such individuals good problem solvers and great team players. This is a very useful skill to have, beneficial to someone’s career and their personal life.

Self aware

People with high emotional intelligence are quite self-aware. They have a better understanding of their emotions so don’t let their emotions control them. They also know their strengths and weaknesses. This in turn leads to less hypocrisy of pretending to be something one is not and throwing people off-balance. They are able to look at themselves in an honest manner and work towards turning themselves into better people.

Self regulating

Ability to control emotions and impulses, to think before one acts, become thoughtful, comfortable with change, integrity, and the ability to say no. Every time you feel like erupting into flames when something doesn’t go according to plan take a moment to cool down and think of a better way to solve the problem.

Motivated

Motivated people are able to defer immediate results for long-term success, highly productive, love a challenge and very effective. Staying positive keeps one on their toes to always be on the go and be as productive as possible, if you fill your mind with negativity it will slow you down an become an impediment to your success.

Empathy

The ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. Recognizing the feelings of others, empathetic people are good at managing relationships, listening and relating to others because they don’t judge and stereotype too quickly. People would be drawn to you and feel comfortable in your company if they are aware that you have their best interests at heart.

Humility and patience

Keep calm under any situation; do not hoard all the attention even if you feel you deserve it. It’s okay to praise others and let the light shine on them, you can’t always be right all the time and making everything about yourself. Being humble will again make you approachable and easy-going, recognizing and apologizing for one’s mistakes also becomes easier for a humble person.

In the end, it’s not always about proving how tough you are by giving in to anger and lashing out at the world and destroying relationships, dominating others and making them afraid of you will be detrimental to yourself and your career, nobody wants to sleep with a tiger.

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Victimization Of Women By Other Women: A Result Of Societal Oppression

Recently a friend of mine uploaded a video of a woman, stripped and mercilessly whipped by a fellow female in a river. Turning up the volume I heard that the accused had slept with the other woman’s husband, hence the punishment. What sent a chill up my spine was to see a group of women gathering around and cheering, because I am a sensitive person by nature therefore I found this dehumanizing act greatly disturbing. Still frozen in terror I happened to read the caption which said ‘Happy women’s month’ and this saddened me a great deal as I detected the mockery behind those words.
I asked myself the most rational question I could come up with, why was she not whipping her husband? After all he was the one who cheated on her; the poor girl may have been unaware that the man was married. Like a blinding light, the most obvious thought presented itself; women are always in competition and regard each other with subdued contempt and hatred.
Are women born competitive or is it a trait that is sewn into them through socialization? I blame social conditioning that puts women in inferior positions and gives them slave mentality that they have to fight and compete for men’s affection. So they indulge in petty atrocities to make themselves feel better, like they are winning. Tearing each other down makes the perpetrators to believe they are the better individual. So the question here is, are they winning? The answer is a simple no,one may be winning the battle against another woman but losing the war between the sexes. How do women fight and humiliate each other on a daily basis but expect society to support and respect them? This is sending mixed signals of the worst kind.
According to Noam Shpancer, competition among females is driven primarily not by biological imperatives but rather by social mechanisms. He then goes on to state that ‘cutthroat female competition is due to the fact that women, born and raised in male dominated society internalize the male perspective (the male gaze) and adopt it as their own. Many women refuse to see that the real threat to their achievement, power, value and identity are not other women but male establishment that controls their lives.’
Women have been socially brainwashed to believe that men are the best thing that can happen to a woman and it’s a privilege to get married. So in desperate attempts to live up to the societal expectations, women claw at each other whilst in the meantime putting up with abuse and mistreatment suffered in the hands of men.
In her article Why Women Compete With other Women, Mia Redrick says that ‘Big minds see the pasture and small minds see a plot of grass’. Society has brainwashed women to believe in scarcity other than abundance. This social manipulation has caused the general degradation of women in society because they are unable to stick together.
So in my conclusion, the woman who was carrying out the punishment in the river felt victorious because she was punishing a ‘slut’ unaware that she was conforming to a system which she too is a actually a victim of.

A Distant Memory

The past grumbles like thunder in my ears.

Distant glory lost and nearly forgotten.

The past is alive

The past has a pulse

and that pulse is a memory.

A moment lost cannot be recovered, cannot be duplicated.

Had I known I would have have frozen our moments in cups made of silver.

There is a sad song that plays from a distant past that rips my heart in two and shatters it to the ground.

It makes me want to claim the dust on the remains of what used to be shiny and beautiful but was cast aside.

There is beauty in the ruins of a prosperous past, one can almost smell the joy in the air. Take a whiff and enjoy serenity and peace.

Unlike time that gnaws away at life and turns it into dust, love never dies but hibernates and awakens occasionally to remind us that the past has a pulse, and that pulse is a memory.

Signs that you are latched with a Narcissistic partner

We can all admit at some point we have found ourselves in nightmares of relationships which left us with broken hearts and shattered self esteem. Sometimes we fall into traps of narcissistic, egoistic, vain, self loving psychopaths without realizing it; however there are several characteristics that set them apart from ordinary people.

Charming

Narcissistic people are very charming; this trait which they develop over time helps them reel their victims in with smooth talk and a seemingly gracious personality. Since they are self gratifying and vain they tend to make their outward appearance look good and appealing. They can make one feel special and a center of their world this is a another way of luring their victims into a corner so they open up and become easier to manipulate. The charm and graciousness end the moment they are convinced their victim is secured.

Low self esteem

This may seem unbelievable as narcissists generally portray qualities of confidence, high achievement and elegance. Truth is under that bravado and egoistic self gratification lie insecurities and a constant feeling of not being good enough, therefore they enjoy slamming others to make themselves feel better. They’ll step on your toes without a slightest hesitation to feel powerful and glower over you when you are broken.

Poor boundaries

Because they see others as an extension of themselves and as assets whose sole purpose is to serve them, they are intrusive and believe they have a VIP ticket to someone’s life. They are generally emotionally abusive, controlling and manipulative usually isolating their victims through causing indirect raptures in their relationships with other people so as to rob them of any outside emotional support which in turn will force the victim to run back to them.

Hate Criticism

They never admit they are wrong so become very hostile and defensive when confronted, this display of immature behavior is caused by not wanting to give in to the deep feeling that they are not good enough so would do any petty act to rise above every situation. Since everything is always about them, life is an endless competition so they would never put themselves in a compromising position and let others win.

Display of grandeur

They love indulging in acts of heroism and be seen doing them, showing off is embedded in their personality and have no sense of humility unless it directly benefits them somehow. For example a narcissist will humble themselves to their superior at work, make it look like they are the hardest working member of a team whereas they do the opposite and are disrespectful to their team.

Everything is always about them

They have delusions of the whole world revolving around them, in a relationship the other partner is the one who has to make all the compromises, walk the extra distance to make the relationship work. Their lack of empathy makes it easy for them to shift the blame to the other partner for what happened. Their only display of kindness is a manipulation strategy to those they believe they can benefit from.

WHAT TO DO

It is really not about you – don’t take it personally, you are not the one with a problem or causes them to act the way they do. No matter how many responsibilities they burden you with, they are not yours. Shake them off and move on.

Don’t argue- no matter how rational your argument is, they will never accept the blame. So don’t waste any effort.

Know yourself – don’t believe in their perceived version of you, don’t let their criticisms stick. If you doubt yourself they’ll trap you in a compromising position and make you feel guilty.

In love with the agony

I am in love with the agony

The pain that surges through me every time I see you

It burns down my throat down to my stomach

I can’t see anything or feel anything.

 

I am in love with the agony

Do tears well up in your eyes when you see me?

Do you miss me so badly it hurts?

 

I am in love with the agony you cause me

You’ve made me fall for you hard

I panic when I see you, my throat closes up

Can’t feel anything or see anything

I am in agony, My love for you hurts.

TRUTH BEHIND ASS GRABBING AND CAT CALLING: A LADY’S PERSPECTIVE

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Almost gone is the dreary grey winter that demanded dull heavy coats and hats, summer is fast approaching and the streets are going to be flooded with ladies wearing beautiful stylish outfits flattering their different body types. This is also the time when random guys are going to be yelling and cat calling for ladies to stop so they could have a conversation. The disrespectful nature of this type of behavior which is beyond irritating is also painful because it doesn’t seem to stop.

Our assailants who don’t seem to be deterred by the eye rolling and mutterings of “asshole” seem to believe their behavior is entertaining and manly. This frustrating belief is an ulcer in the mist of society. It is not a nice feeling to be jeered at and looked like you are a slice of pizza just because you are wearing a mini skirt or shorts. This is both dehumanizing and quite wrong, it becomes even more painful when older women join in and make you feel like a common tart.

I for one would put the blame on our patriarchal society that depicts women as a form of an entertaining object with a wobbly mind that can be swayed in any direction. Young boys are socialized to subtly ignore the voice a woman because she is a lesser human being and her feelings are not that important (yes I said it).

Growing up we were subjected to boys our age twisting our arms all because they ‘liked’ us and we had to like them back almost as if we had to be flattered that they were chasing us around and making our lives almost unbearable. Nobody ever bothered to tell them that what they were doing was wrong so they grew up to be men who randomly grab a woman’s ass on the street and get puzzled when she gets offended. To him the whole thing is okay and the woman should enjoy it.

This entitled attitude is a direct result of a faulty culture that needs major revamping, a man who respects and listens to his wife is seen as weak because being manly is associated with leadership and show of strength which sometimes involves the use of an iron fist literally to put a woman under control.

Good Righteous Woman

Good woman scream, cower in the dark,  don’t fight, only bad women fight. Watch your children beaten and tortured, their self respect taken away, watch helplessly  as your dreams turn into nightmares. Don’t fight just howl at the moon in anguish.

Lie down, be quiet. That is what is expected, a woman carries her burdens proudly in her shoulders they say. Let him shame you and spit on your pride, humble yourself, he is your man therefore  your king. He owns you,  let him do as he pleases.

Good woman believe feminisim is a joke, a cheap mechanism devised by disrespectful idiots and rebels.  A woman’s life is painful,  endure it. Walk on hot coals if you have to, keep him happy always. 

Believe abuse is a fallacy,  it doesn’t exist. Tell yourself it was  all your fault. Turn a blind eye to your suffering, don’t fight back don’t do anything, just cry.

TEENAGERS TODAY: More confused than us back in the day

 

Memories of my teenage years are filled with skipping rope, playing mokou and throwing stones at   the seniors with dresses tucked in our panties to make running much easier. A boyfriend was that random guy who would show up announced whilst you are busy with your playmates and twists your arm for no apparent reason. If you managed to see him from a distance and did your best to outrun him, you were safe, and then you’ll shake your booty like a spring chicken and call him all sorts of names, yeah that was the reality of those of us who grew up in the nineties, free to run wild.

Born in the era of technology which grows more complicated by each passing day, well at least to the poor souls who were born before World War 2, teenagers today are more confused and apt to make a lot more mistakes than us back in the day.  I am not saying technology is bad, what I am saying is that teenagers today  have access to too much information, which is quite a tragedy  considering their squishy heads that cant keep still and  their perception of the world  which is in small print , it does more harm than good.

Teenagers today absorb way more information than they need which complicates their lives and further depresses them. Most get confused literally when they have to make a decision; it’s not surprising to see them changing fashion trends and religious beliefs faster than an average person changes underwear in a lifetime because whatever mumbo-jumbo is trending on social media is backed up by solid information as to why it is valid and helpful. While others are more confusing than Nicki Minaj’s outfits, another bunch consists of those who blankly stare at the TV the whole day, trying to talk to them gets you an expression that registers calm boredom mingled with patient annoyance; they don’t care about the riff raff that others might be interested into because they are so mature it makes them almost creepy.

With us back in the day, someone older than you was a source of wisdom, if your brother or sister said something it had to be one hundred percent accurate, you would always be supporting arguments with “my brother said it is like that.” Trying to advice these beautiful souls is like asking for a trial in court, they are so defensive one would swear they were trying to win a war or have been wrongly accused of some heinous crime. Thanks to Google they are gods of information which is on their fingertips.

Between us and these television zombies I sometimes wonder as to who got the wrong end of the stick, us climbing rocks, trees catching grasshoppers to make them our ‘cattle’ or them with their Ipads and smart phones?