We can all admit at some point we have found ourselves in nightmares of relationships which left us with broken hearts and shattered self esteem. Sometimes we fall into traps of narcissistic, egoistic, vain, self loving psychopaths without realizing it; however there are several characteristics that set them apart from ordinary people.
Narcissistic people are very charming; this trait which they develop over time helps them reel their victims in with smooth talk and a seemingly gracious personality. Since they are self gratifying and vain they tend to make their outward appearance look good and appealing. They can make one feel special and a center of their world this is a another way of luring their victims into a corner so they open up and become easier to manipulate. The charm and graciousness end the moment they are convinced their victim is secured.
Low self esteem
This may seem unbelievable as narcissists generally portray qualities of confidence, high achievement and elegance. Truth is under that bravado and egoistic self gratification lie insecurities and a constant feeling of not being good enough, therefore they enjoy slamming others to make themselves feel better. They’ll step on your toes without a slightest hesitation to feel powerful and glower over you when you are broken.
Because they see others as an extension of themselves and as assets whose sole purpose is to serve them, they are intrusive and believe they have a VIP ticket to someone’s life. They are generally emotionally abusive, controlling and manipulative usually isolating their victims through causing indirect raptures in their relationships with other people so as to rob them of any outside emotional support which in turn will force the victim to run back to them.
They never admit they are wrong so become very hostile and defensive when confronted, this display of immature behavior is caused by not wanting to give in to the deep feeling that they are not good enough so would do any petty act to rise above every situation. Since everything is always about them, life is an endless competition so they would never put themselves in a compromising position and let others win.
Display of grandeur
They love indulging in acts of heroism and be seen doing them, showing off is embedded in their personality and have no sense of humility unless it directly benefits them somehow. For example a narcissist will humble themselves to their superior at work, make it look like they are the hardest working member of a team whereas they do the opposite and are disrespectful to their team.
Everything is always about them
They have delusions of the whole world revolving around them, in a relationship the other partner is the one who has to make all the compromises, walk the extra distance to make the relationship work. Their lack of empathy makes it easy for them to shift the blame to the other partner for what happened. Their only display of kindness is a manipulation strategy to those they believe they can benefit from.
WHAT TO DO
It is really not about you – don’t take it personally, you are not the one with a problem or causes them to act the way they do. No matter how many responsibilities they burden you with, they are not yours. Shake them off and move on.
Don’t argue- no matter how rational your argument is, they will never accept the blame. So don’t waste any effort.
Know yourself – don’t believe in their perceived version of you, don’t let their criticisms stick. If you doubt yourself they’ll trap you in a compromising position and make you feel guilty.